A true sad story that unfortunately repeats itself time and again
A friend of mine has recently confided in me that her recent partner is giving her mixed signals and she isn't sure what he's up to. She is afraid to confront him with questions, for fear he will get hurt. She is not sure what he wants out of the relationship with her. Her pervious partner has left her unexpectedly, and she is afraid the current one might be doing the same. "Gosh", she told me, "I always am there 100% for my partners, and how come they dump me time and again?"
Her words saddened me. I wanted to scream at her (out of love): "What part of NO don't you understand?" I wanted to ask her: "What makes you repeat your excessive loving behavior time and again in spite of being dumped so often?" I wanted to show her how her behavior boomerangs at her.
But I didn't. I have learned over the years that many who sabotage themselves and their relationships almost never listen to advice. That many don't learn from past mistakes. That they shoot themselves in the foot over and over again. They are so driven by needs to be loved and by fears of rejection that they will do whatever they can for whichever partner they go out with, ignoring all warning signs. They are scared to death to change their behavior; they are afraid of being rejected and dumped - which they eventually are...
Ignoring warning signs
Unfortunately, they ignore all warning signs which come their way both from their partners as well as from their past relationships. They close their eyes to whatever is inconvenient for them to acknowledge and admit about "the way they come across".
And therefore they keep falling back into their habitual ways of behaving, and into failed relationships.
Warning signs: The Euro Crisis
Similar to the individuals' behaviors described above, when we look at the Euro crisis, we now know that there were warning signs from the beginning, before the European countries have agreed on the Euro. They all knew that Greece is in a bad financial situation. That Italy is losing its economical potential. But many leaders of the European countries have ignored these early warning signs since they wanted to see "a greater Europe" forming.
Their failed decision making process they agreed upon is now hitting them bad. And like a broken couple, they are at cross-roads: should the European countries get divorced from one another or stick together no matter what? Should they kick out of the zone the failing countries and preserve the bond of "the few strong ones"? Should they pour tons of money into saving the status-quo? Or should they separate and spend lots of money on re-building Europe in its new format?
Warning signs: Singles
Many singles, just like the friend I mentioned above, refuse to see warning signs about the dates they meet and the partners they begin to go out with. They are driven by any one of the following, or a combination of: neediness, dependency, fear of loneliness, fear of rejection, and so on and so forth.
Consequently, they repeat the same harmful attitudes, behaviors and expectations time and again. They fall in love time and again. The hope and expect. They see a wonderful "potential" in whichever new date the meet. They often sacrifice themselves on the altar of the relationship. They believe that "IF only I'll do so and so THEN everything will be fine".
And when once again they hit flat bottom, and when their relationship comes to an end they don't take their time to truly understand what went wrong; what they might need to change for the better. They are so eager to be in a relationship that they prefer to spend their time looking for another partner.
...and the circle continues...
Decision making and their consequences
The European Countries as well as the singles both face the consequences related to their flawed decisions and behaviors. The important question is whether they can fix whatever needs fixing, and whether they will be able to stop sabotaging themselves next time, and become empowered to develop a sustainable relationship, either with other countries (when it comes to Europe), or with a compatible partner (when it comes to singles).
How to proceed?
Facing the truth, looking oneself straight in the eye, admitting past failures and understanding the reasons for present failures is of prime importance in changing what needs change and moving forward. This holds true both for countries and individuals.
Doron Gil, Ph.D., is an expert on Self-Awareness and Relationships with a 30 year experience as a university teacher, workshop leader, counsellor and consultant. He has written more than 130 articles on these subjects and is the author of "The Self-Awareness Guide to a Successful Intimate Relationship"
More on Dr. Gil's book and articles please visit his Self-awareness and Relationships Blog @ http://bit.ly/gqmOYJ
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